Storage Wars.

We have too much stuff. I’m not saying YOU do--although it appears that Americans, in general, have too much stuff. Most of us can just look in our basements, garages or attics (please don’t look in my closet!) to see that it’s true.

Yuuup! He's King of the Castle

Did you know there’s actually a trade association for operators of self-storage facilities? You know, those one-story concrete buildings dotting the landscape with acres of bright blue or orange garage doors confined behind chain link fences and razor wire?  There are now roughly 50,000 of these places in the United States, which the Self Storage Association says generated nearly $22.5 billion in gross revenues last year. The association reports that one in 10 US households rents a unit in a self-storage facility—a 65 percent increase over the last 15 years!

Yuuup!* We recently rented a nifty 10-by-10 space so we wouldn’t look like hoarders when our house went on the market. This adventure also included rental of a U-Haul on a 100-plus degree day. If you think packing your station wagon for family vacation is a treat, see how you and your partner do finessing  (cramming) your kids’ old beds and sports trophies, 30 years worth of Christmas decorations, your mom’s antique desk and about a million books in this little concrete slice of hell. It was a flashback to the stack my beloved dubbed “the wall of shit” last time we moved. Let’s just say that after you finally agree on the best way to create an aisle down the middle so you can access the boxes you’ve shoved to the back, you’ll be glad your love seats are in storage.

*If you aren’t familiar with Dave Hester’s signature bidding style, you haven’t seen A&E’s Storage Wars. Like many other so-called reality shows, it’s paradoxically tacky and quite alluring, especially if you love those personalities we might charitably dub “characters.” It’s not nearly as nauseating as the same network’s Hoarders and there are no mental health professionals involved… although it probably wouldn’t hurt.